...if it's cracked up. Then I guess that describes me. Not doing so well. I don't tell Josh. I love all of you. If anything bad happens, know that.

...and I eat all of them but those nasty cherry cream-filled ones.

Life is moving along.

I notice Just Blue has not friended me, thus I cannot relay my love to her. So, I stick my tongue out at her.

Casey - I love reading her updates. She always makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. And the wedding dress is flat-out glorious.

Kelly is getting married!! Just...wow. I'm happy for her. I must relay this news to Joshua toot sweet.

Robin - Well, I want to go to one of his insane parties and wear a collander on my head..

I've been RPing lots on City of Heroes, but I spend a whole lot of days going to doctors.

Josh and I talk a lot about getting married and I wish we could do more than just talk about it.

I am working to rekindle my relationship with my mother.

Things are just what they are.

I love each and every one of you.

And I can't help but notice that all the comments regarding cats and their deviousness have been cut off mid-sente

Tags: animals, emotions, writer's block

Of course they do. Anyone who has been witness to a poor house-trained doggie who has an accident can see the regret in his sweet face. Cats, on the other hand, regret nothing, for as we all know, everything they do has been preplanned, whether they admit it or not.

Tags: animals, emotions, writer's block

...tell you all I love you nearly often enough. I love you.

Tummy just hurts. I ate three onion rings and now it just hurts. I think my eater is broke. Lost three more pounds. I'm trying to drink water but it's not helping anymore. I feel like the guy in "Thinner"...

I think I may just keep stuff to here for the next couple of months. If my handwriting was better I'd do it in a journal.

I'm having a hard time, guys. It's Dustin's 10th anniversary. Of when he died. I still don't accept it. Remember? You guys were all there.
I kinda remember... it's a long story and too wordy for this and I'm too tired. I'm too tired... I bet he was tired, too. I can't come to grips with what I should be doing in this world... I hang on to make food for my men, but is that it? It seems like it now.

I do laundry. I dust the things they never see. But when I'm in bed, sick, the house falls apart so I KNOW I'm doing something. I'm sick alot lately... some hallucintaing last night... I drag out of bed and try to get enthused for food. No one likes what I do lately.

It doesn't take much to unenthuse me.  Trying to finish this... just.. God.. tell me when to turn out the lights. I'm ready.

I have been feeling rather fragile lately. That I weigh 110 pounds now doesn't help. I feel whispy and inconsequential. I have friends who don't really listen to me .. no. Strike that, they aren't freinds, they're acquaintances. 

I've lost 33 pounds.. wow.  It just keeps shedding off and I'm not sure why. My daughter-in-law says I don't eat but she comes from a huge family that does nothing but! I don't eat much on particular days.

I lost my father last month.
Well.. I found out about it last month.


He was my hero when I was little. Even he drank too much and took me to cock fights in my new white dress.


I once knew a girl she put the color inside my world... but she's much like a maze where all of her walls continually change. I've done all I can to stand with my heart in my hands.. but I'm beginning to see maybe it's got nothing to do with me.


Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers who turn into mothers.. so mothers be good to your daughters too.

Boys you can break, you find out how much they can take. Boys will be strong, boys soldier on , but boys would be gone without a wonderful woman's good, good heart.

I hate livejournal. I just tried to log in thirty times with the same password I always use and I got banned for entering the wrong password. Then I entered it for the thirty-first time and it let me in.

...I turn 50. I have a cold. I don't think I could get more grumpy than I am at this moment. Even Xanax doesn't help, though I am a little dingy. 

I'm starting to study women who I can tell are around 60 and it depresses me to no end that I will look like that in 10 years. I can keep my body pretty well looking good, but it's the face that is going and I think it's unfair. So, I gripe about it.

Saw my doctor today who was actually a new doctor he now has in the office. She's alright, but a bit on the philosophical side. She's all, happiness is in one's perception and that is a very easy notion to follow right up until one experiences a life event so traumatic and horrible that it affects every facet of one's life. Fluffy-feel-good kinda goes right out the window.

I believe we sign up for this and for the events we experience, but the truth is, I've come to believe that angels aren't any more knowledgable about what humans go through than we are about what they go through. When you're an angel, earth stuff doesn't seem all that challenging. Put us here, though, and it's a whole different story. So. 

Poopy colds. I hate that crawling feeling in my sinuses and all that crap that goes with it. 

I'm grilling steaks tonight. And so it goes.

...HATE tax time. It's bad enough that we have to pay each year, but now everything is e-file and I have to depend on someone else to ensure the site is up and running to access my return. Now I need the f'ing numbers and can't access my account. Yay. If I haven't been able to get to it by this evening, I'm going to scribble across the form that I can't access it, and I'll mail THAT.

 

I have a cold and I'm very cranky.

 

 

That's all.