Shannon

Fitty-two ain't all it's cracked up to be...

2009-08-04T12:56:33Z

...if it's cracked up. Then I guess that describes me. Not doing so well. I don't tell Josh. I love all of you. If anything bad happens, know that.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

2009-06-05T15:17:26Z

...and I eat all of them but those nasty cherry cream-filled ones.

Life is moving along.

I notice Just Blue has not friended me, thus I cannot relay my love to her. So, I stick my tongue out at her.

Casey - I love reading her updates. She always makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. And the wedding dress is flat-out glorious.

Kelly is getting married!! Just...wow. I'm happy for her. I must relay this news to Joshua toot sweet.

Robin - Well, I want to go to one of his insane parties and wear a collander on my head..

I've been RPing lots on City of Heroes, but I spend a whole lot of days going to doctors.

Josh and I talk a lot about getting married and I wish we could do more than just talk about it.

I am working to rekindle my relationship with my mother.

Things are just what they are.

I love each and every one of you.

Writer's Block: Regrets Only

2009-06-05T14:56:38Z

And I can't help but notice that all the comments regarding cats and their deviousness have been cut off mid-sente

Writer's Block: Regrets Only

2009-06-05T14:54:07Z

Of course they do. Anyone who has been witness to a poor house-trained doggie who has an accident can see the regret in his sweet face. Cats, on the other hand, regret nothing, for as we all know, everything they do has been preplanned, whether they admit it or not.

I do not...

2008-09-23T18:08:01Z

...tell you all I love you nearly often enough. I love you.

bocephusred @ 2007-06-20T15:07:00

2007-06-20T22:14:05Z

Tummy just hurts. I ate three onion rings and now it just hurts. I think my eater is broke. Lost three more pounds. I'm trying to drink water but it's not helping anymore. I feel like the guy in "Thinner"...

I think I may just keep stuff to here for the next couple of months. If my handwriting was better I'd do it in a journal.

I'm having a hard time, guys. It's Dustin's 10th anniversary. Of when he died. I still don't accept it. Remember? You guys were all there.
I kinda remember... it's a long story and too wordy for this and I'm too tired. I'm too tired... I bet he was tired, too. I can't come to grips with what I should be doing in this world... I hang on to make food for my men, but is that it? It seems like it now.

I do laundry. I dust the things they never see. But when I'm in bed, sick, the house falls apart so I KNOW I'm doing something. I'm sick alot lately... some hallucintaing last night... I drag out of bed and try to get enthused for food. No one likes what I do lately.

It doesn't take much to unenthuse me. Trying to finish this... just.. God.. tell me when to turn out the lights. I'm ready.

bocephusred @ 2007-06-19T15:20:00

2007-06-19T22:24:33Z

I have been feeling rather fragile lately. That I weigh 110 pounds now doesn't help. I feel whispy and inconsequential. I have friends who don't really listen to me .. no. Strike that, they aren't freinds, they're acquaintances.

I've lost 33 pounds.. wow. It just keeps shedding off and I'm not sure why. My daughter-in-law says I don't eat but she comes from a huge family that does nothing but! I don't eat much on particular days.

I lost my father last month.
Well.. I found out about it last month.

He was my hero when I was little. Even he drank too much and took me to cock fights in my new white dress.

I once knew a girl she put the color inside my world... but she's much like a maze where all of her walls continually change. I've done all I can to stand with my heart in my hands.. but I'm beginning to see maybe it's got nothing to do with me.

Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers who turn into mothers.. so mothers be good to your daughters too.

Boys you can break, you find out how much they can take. Boys will be strong, boys soldier on , but boys would be gone without a wonderful woman's good, good heart.

bocephusred @ 2007-06-19T15:18:00

2007-06-19T22:12:44Z

I hate livejournal. I just tried to log in thirty times with the same password I always use and I got banned for entering the wrong password. Then I entered it for the thirty-first time and it let me in.

Tomorrow...

2007-04-17T23:52:05Z

...I turn 50. I have a cold. I don't think I could get more grumpy than I am at this moment. Even Xanax doesn't help, though I am a little dingy.

I'm starting to study women who I can tell are around 60 and it depresses me to no end that I will look like that in 10 years. I can keep my body pretty well looking good, but it's the face that is going and I think it's unfair. So, I gripe about it.

Saw my doctor today who was actually a new doctor he now has in the office. She's alright, but a bit on the philosophical side. She's all, happiness is in one's perception and that is a very easy notion to follow right up until one experiences a life event so traumatic and horrible that it affects every facet of one's life. Fluffy-feel-good kinda goes right out the window.

I believe we sign up for this and for the events we experience, but the truth is, I've come to believe that angels aren't any more knowledgable about what humans go through than we are about what they go through. When you're an angel, earth stuff doesn't seem all that challenging. Put us here, though, and it's a whole different story. So.

Poopy colds. I hate that crawling feeling in my sinuses and all that crap that goes with it.

I'm grilling steaks tonight. And so it goes.

I freakin'...

2007-04-15T18:28:13Z

...HATE tax time. It's bad enough that we have to pay each year, but now everything is e-file and I have to depend on someone else to ensure the site is up and running to access my return. Now I need the f'ing numbers and can't access my account. Yay. If I haven't been able to get to it by this evening, I'm going to scribble across the form that I can't access it, and I'll mail THAT.

I have a cold and I'm very cranky.

That's all.

Most of this week...

2007-04-07T00:08:25Z

...was spent home being sick. If my doctor doesn't fix me on Monday I will be very angry! >:-( Seriously, I'm tired of being sick all the time.

Josh quit his job of nearly 13 years. He'd finally had his fill of the place. Now he's working at a book dealership. Eight to five, and weekends off. We've not had weekends together in, literally, years. He seems so much happier and that makes me glad. We spent last weekend shopping and doing things together and it was amazing how much fun it was. I'd forgotten how it could be.

I want to get a library card, but I'm already so bad at returning movies, so I probably shouldn't since I'd never get the books back on time. But! I'm kinda tired of forking out money on bad books. I like horror books, but good ones are as rare as a hen's teeth so I usually end up buying anthologies and even then, the last one I got was so awful. And Poopy Stephen King disappoints all the time anymore.

Oh! We even went out with friends last Monday and bowled. I pulled a muscle in my butt, though. It hurt for a couple days. Lordy, I'm out of shape.

Guess what? I bought a size 8 in my new slacks and now I think I shoulda got 6. I really lost a lot of weight in January and so far it's not coming back. Of course, I'm trying to live on salads and crap like that. Ugh.

Blah blah blah I can type all day on this.

I watched The Descent on Wednesday night. Why in movies, when women get together to do sporty things, do they have to act like men? It's freakin' retarded. I don't act like a man when ... okay, well, I don't actually get together with 'the girls' anymore, but when I did, I didn't behave that way. Sheesh. Why can't every book and movie just be perfect? I want everything at once.

I did play the lottery this week. I did not win. I think I spent all my luck on love.

Pumpkin brought in a mouse last night. I thought it was another lizard because all I could see in the dark bedroom was it's tail hanging from her mouth. Josh finally got it away from her and he told me it was okay. Yes, it might have been a tiny fib, but I'm not pressing.

My boss let us leave 45 minutes early today. I was glad for that. I was so tired. I like my boss. She leaves me alone to do my work which is so rare, it seems, in a female supervisor. I'm doing spreadsheets and updating prices in Peoplesoft and after several hours of that, I get a bit dingy. More so. Than usual. Be quiet, you.

Oh. I was gonna tell you about my episode which put me in the hospital. You can stop reading now, if you still are. *L* I was sick for a few days prior, with what I thought was a cold coming on. I had also drank some, which I'm not supposed to I KNOW, but I did, anyway, and that left me feeling out of sorts. ANyway, for about three days, I was kinda in and out of bed, just feeling bleh. I had no appetite, so I wasn't really eating, but I had heartburn BAD, and I kept pestering Josh to go to the store and get me this, and get me that, trying to feel better. On a Wednesday night (and I say that tentatively, because I don't really remember), my ears started to ring. Now. I figured this was because of the medicine I'd been taking for my heartburn. It's got aspirin in it, which I didn't know. So, then, I began to slur my words, but I couldn't really hear myself talk and I didn't know how bad it was. Josh was getting kinda panicky and kept wanting me to go to the hospital but I said no. I thought I just needed to rest. So I laid in bed and kinda half-watched teevee, but I kept getting distracted by... what I thought was the WoW game being projected on the wall. Sure enough, I could manipulate the game with my hand... on the bed. I know, it's crazy, but that's what I was doing. Then, I couldn't stop. Even when I closed my eyes, I could see the stupid game and I couldn't find the red X to close it down. Eventually, it turned into a chat room and that's when you guys entered the picture. I didn't want to leave because I'd not seen you all in sooooo long and stuff. Some other stuff happened and then Josh called 911 and got the paramedics out to take me away. I don't remember any of that, or the emergency room or anything. Nothing until I woke up the next day in the ICU which is where they kept me for four days. I learned not to fuck around with diabetes. They did x-rays and head scans and crap to make sure I hadn't had a stroke but I swear, I can't recall a bit of it. It was crazy town.

The end.

It looks as though...

2007-03-29T12:56:46Z

...they're going to keep me at this job for a while. This makes me very happy! Now I can personalize my cubie, at least somewhat.
Well, and also I'll have a paycheck for a bit longer.

I'm working with Manpower this time. It's the first time I've dealt with this temp agency and so far they've done splendidly by me. My first assignment was over a weekend doing a spreadsheet for a lawyer. I got to do that from home which was glorious. Also, they got my direct deposit right in, so no problems with my paycheck. All this I say while knocking on wood because today is payday. Hee.

Has anyone heard about/from Marie lately? I noticed she deleted her LJ, and I've just been thinking about her so I was wondering.

You guys will be happy, I know, to learn that you were in my hallucinations when I was put in the hospital. Details on that to come! XD

Work is...

2007-03-27T00:08:55Z

..too much like work!

My kitties are fed, my coffee is made and the nice a/c is going. In two hours Josh will be home and my world will be complete!

Y'know, nothing really happens on the days I work. Except Gene and I got the too-much-work sillies around 4-ish. Other than that though, there is nothing to report!

I'm feeling okay... though my blood sugar is still much too high. Gawl. Well, I see my new doctor on the 9th and we'll get it fixed. *hope*

We talked today about winning the lottery.. wouldn't that be spiffy? I can't even imagine it.

Ugh...

2007-03-26T00:32:37Z

..hospital bills. ;_;

Okay!

2007-03-25T21:10:00Z

Barbecue is well on its way with the potato salad and deviled eggs done, the veggies and melon cut up and the brisket in the oven. Yeah, I know, but I have to start my stuff in the oven because I don't have a very good grill. I finish it out there so it's all smokey and good.

I got to the stores and got my candy and frames, also some other stuff to snack on THAT I'M ALLOWED, sheesh. I enjoy eating way too much for this.

Blood sugar? Could you please please go below 300 just for a day or two? I know my kidneys are probably begging for relief. I've not eaten anything today that could even remotely be construed as sugary, only veggies and not even carrots, for Pete's sake. *grumble*

This morning, Josh and I resolved to win the lottery so we never have to work again. I'm gonna get right on that.

Livejournal...

2007-03-25T16:43:25Z

..makes my computer grind.

ANYway... guess what? I cleaned my whole house yesterday. *glee!* Today I am going to barbecue all day, but first I must go to Walgreen's for some low-carb candy and then to the dollar store for some picture frames. My life is so exciting!

Pumpkin stayed pretty disgruntled yesterday after much vacuuming, sweeping and mopping, three of the things she hates most besides those other 8,132 things.

Josh and I played WoW for a few hours last night and it was so much fun. Hey, if any of you know of a great new horror flick that's out, let me know. I think I'll rent one when Josh has his game night on Wednesday.

Okay, so, I should go get busy. More later!

It's Saturday...

2007-03-24T15:45:33Z

...and Pumpkin woke me up stomping around the bed and wailing for breakfast. Well, truth is, she woke JOSH up, who then woke ME up, and since he has to work today, I fed the dinosaur. I have a list of things to do today, which I have for the past four weekends, and I'm not sure they'll get done this weekend, either. Definitely laundry and groceries, but that may be it.

I'm getting better at letting go things like chores, but it sure makes for an uncomfortable home. I don't so much feel obliged to do chores (Well, maybe I do some), as I do want to feel good in my own house. I love it LOVE IT when it sparkles and I can light incense and run my fountains and yay! My car is no cleaner right now than my house and all of it just serves to make me grumpy, but spending my whole weekend doing work runs me down like nothing else.

We had to don warm jammies last night because it rained here all Friday and was chilly after having had temps up in the 80's or higher all week. Now my yard will explode with weeds because I didn't get the yard treated like I intended before the rain. Oi. My list of things to do expands on a constant basis and hangs over my head like Damocles' whatcha, I think that's the correct thingie.

At some point in my life, I need to get to the place where I get self-satisfaction out of the things I do, instead of relief that now no one can fault me for not doing them. Definitely an issue there. XD

That said, I now must go shop for fewd.

Gah!

2007-03-24T01:47:45Z

The layout is all different and stuff and it makes me feel scratchy and irritable. Or..maybe it's the coffee I'm drinking.

I want to play WoW with Josh but he isn't home from work yet and when he gets home he must draw his comic. *LEEEsye* My life is so tragic. XD

~~What are all these buttons fo---~~...OOOooohhh. Orange to make yo' eyes bleed outchoo he'd.

What... oh crap give me back the black, okay.

Alas, I began another LJ so I can keep up with my friends. If there is a way to search/browse through friends' LJs without being a member, I can't figure it out. This was me: Go to Josh's comic, click his livejournal button, then go to his friends and then click on ya'll's LJ names. That was getting a might clunky and besides, I missed alot of entries. There are still some folks out there I've missed but that's okay. For now, I have who I need on the list.

I am working now, having kind of a difficult time with it because I haven't been able to get my blood sugar down even with meds, so some days are very trying. The people with whom I work are fantastic, though. But it's only a temp job and I shall be very sad to leave that place when the time comes.

I was bad today and put banana on my peanut butter sammich, but, hell, it was Friday and everyone else was having cake and ice cream for Gene's birthdayCRY. So.

Give yourself a hug for me.

You can bet...

2007-03-24T01:22:21Z

...my friends' list is gonna be a short one from here on out. Heh.